So yesterday was one of those days. Where the reality of life seemed to be staring me in the face and whispering in my ears. I didn't feel good in any direction; physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, it all seemed numb. I woke up fine but for some reason I started looking at my timeline in terms of finding a job. It is just about half way through May, that means that I have gone all of April and 2 weeks into May and haven't lined anything up. My paychecks and health insurance run out at the end of May from the church that means I now have like 2 weeks to find a job. But did I expect this to be easy, did I think that God was just going to drop something into my lap or did I expect my God to take this opportunity to stretch and strengthen me. I am reminded of the Old Testament story about a guy named Gideon. God called him to lead an army into battle against a much stronger opponent. Gideon isn't feeling very confident about any of this. The interesting thing is that God then through a series of circumstances cuts the army down repeatedly until there is virtually nothing left to go to battle with. Everyday that I put my head down on my pillow to fall asleep I feel a little like Gideon, my army is my time, it continues to slip away with nothing to show for it. I am sick of the "big question" that gets asked me as a precursor to any and every conversation, "So Jim anything yet, any new job possibilities?" Just a little reminder that I don't have anything lined up and time is running out. Well today is the proverbial "new day", I am praying my outlook and attitude are better today, that I think about Gideon and how he must have felt going into battle, inadequate, frustrated, and seemingly defeated. The beauty of it all is I know how it ends, God wins, and Gideon gets to be a part of it. God always wins, I am praying I get to be a part of it as well.
ps- I sold my beloved motorcycle acouple of days ago, ouch!!
