This is a weird sort of pressure this not having a job thing. This working but not really working (like what I am doing right now) thing. I have to admit it is a feeling that I haven't really experiened in this capacity, I am trying to keep my emotions and feelings in check but I have to admit it isn't always easy. This past week I blogged, posted it for like 5 min. then went back and deleted the whole thing. After re-reading my entry I realized it wasn't pretty, it was true and it was real, but it wasn't pretty. Too much honesty and openess sometimes isn't the best bet and in this case the blog had been a portal into my heart and mind and the realness that came with that. It is not that I have to be someone that I am not it's just that from moment to moment I find myself being a different person. I am finding that is what this pressure thing is doing to me. I am high then I am low and like a rollercoaster it get's tiring. It is weird in my capacity in ministry I feel like at times I have the God cliche cards in my pocket ready to hand out at a moment's notice. Short words and sayings that supposedly ease peoples minds and hearts. Maybe I am jaded, maybe I'm cyncial, or maybe right now I'm just a little tired but I am not up to cliche's today. I don't want to hear about how something is going to "fall into my lap" and how God has the "perfect thing" for me, I don't want to hear about the "excitement" others feel about my future. Maybe I feel this way because I have handed these cards out too many times myself. I am not sure. This I do know, I have 5 weeks to find a job, and monster.com, and careerbuilder.com just get me mad now, in the beginning it was exciting looking for a job now it is exhausting. T minus 5 more weeks...
3 comments:
i'm praying for you jim....
the cliches aren't working? noooooo!!!! does that mean we actually have to dig deeper for answers?
i know a little bit where you're at, being unemployed for 6 months was a strange time for me. i was feeling the weight of things, but looking back on those days, my advice to you is to find ways to enjoy your time off. aren't you glad it's spring time instead of winter? and it’s playoff hockey season… dude, you better start working on your running too, the marathon is coming up. how often in life will you not have a job to report to? this might be the last time until you are 70, so let that sink in for a minute.
my unemployment checks ran out the week before i finally got my current job. i got to move out of the apt i shared with my coke-head roommate and back to buffalo with my friends and family. now i have this sweet job that i seriously can’t even remember applying to. god really turned my life around in those six months when i really didn’t even know that much about him. it turned out to be a really good season of my life.
hang in there buddy. don't forget we're here for ya.
I just shared these very words with Norm yesterday. I too am tired of hearing the "Christian cliches". I know, but I'm not up to hearing, how "God has a plan", how "its all in God's timing". Of course I know all this...& I even pray these things. But to be real & honest says, I can't hear them anymore. So, if I ever say these to you again, you have my permission to throw something at me. Preferrably not Mike's baseball.
P.S. Would it kill you to leave a comment on my blog once in a while?? Geez...
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