Sunday, June 24, 2007
I think I heard God laughing at me...
I just walked outside under the stars to take the garbage out and I am pretty sure I heard God laughing at me. I am conflicted right now. You see it appears that God is starting to raise his voice in my life, giving me more and more direction, the problem is I am not sure that what I am hearing is what I wanted to hear. After leaving eastern hills a couple of months ago I told myself, "Jim, here is your chance for independence, get a real job, take care of your family,and unplug from church". I guess it sounded good in theory, it felt safe, fairly easy, and pretty ordered. The issue is that the jobs that I have sought out for whatever reason haven't panned out to this point, and that voice, the one that gives me anxiety is getting louder and louder. I believe God is telling me to start a church, no big deal, I have hinted at doing this in the future anyways. The problem lies in the fact that I think the future is now. God is moving me to action now. When God's voice started saying this I was like awwwww crappp! Not again. It seems the things I have said I would never do or be I end up doing and being. I have a hundred reasons why starting a church right now won't work. Why financially it's not a smart move, why the timing isn't right, and why it will be ineffective. I think it was at this point when God started laughing at me. In some sort of sadistic way I think He is enjoying the wrestling I am doing with myself and Him. I am a mess right now, a combo of Jonah, Moses, Peter and Gideon (all before the cool stuff happened to them). I trust but I don't, I think I have faith but I'm scared, I am excited but I am sick to my stomach, all at the same time, and God just sits back and laughs. He laughs because He controls it all, and I blog because I control none of it.
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3 comments:
Hey Jimmy I am praying for you today. Enjoyed our time with the fam yesturday. It sucks to be a Christian and be a control freak all at the same time.:)
i like what i hear. god has a sense of humor that's for sure! i think the key is to get to the place where you're laughing WITH god.
it's getting easier and easier for me to leave eastern hills. it really hit me when i found out michelle bjorkman is leaving. i think she did a fantastic job with event planning/coordinating. she knew people's strengths and how to use them, she challenged me several times to do more for the church. now that's another person getting a new calling. too many things that were keeping me in that church are being lead elsewhere...
jim we're here for you brother. how can we help? step one might be filing for not-for-profit status, so we can tithe. i need that tax deduction... otherwise josh and sean are going to see a rent raise.
this new church is going to have the best closets in the world!
I also think He laughs because He delights in you. As a loving parent, he sees your struggle & yet knows you will follow His voice. You know you have whatever help you need from us, that's a given. It's been interesting to me to watch so many people feel led out of EHWC & yet have no clear direction where they're supposed to go. That doesn't sound like our Lord. He is in the closing doors & opening windows business. Guess its time to let Him use you to open that window, huh?. Praying for you & patiently waiting on our Lord.
Love ya friend...
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