Dawn

Did you ever drive all night long? I have done this numerous times traveling to Florida. The beginning of the drive is always fun, anticipation of the sunshine and vacation that is around the corner, everyone is in a good mood. Then darkness falls. The kids don't seem as cute to me anymore more whining and crying. I am starting to get sick of looking at road maps, my back and butt are starting to get sore. Then you are 4 hrs into darkness, you are in the middle of nowhere in west virginia and you think you can figure out a short cut. 20 min. into the short cut you realize you have made a mistake you are off the highway on some desolate road with no cell phone reception. Your wife is pretty sure that the family is going to end up in a made for tv horror movie in the not so distant future. You are starting to sweat because the roads you are on are not on the map, and you hear the theme song from Deliverance in the background. One hour later signs for the thruway beckon you back to civilization and you are back on track. It is 1 am now and there is no scenery just headlights, tailights and bad talk radio. You have stopped at a gas station to fill up and got the extra large overly sugared and caffeinated cappaccino. You have been snacking on sugar the last few hours to give yourself a high, now you are just sick. It is 3 am and you have hit the rumble strips on the side of the road twice as you started to doze off. Nothing pumps the adrenaline through your veins like hitting those little bumpy grooves, your wife jumps up and yells "Are you sleeping". No you lie I was just changing a cd. 4 am you want to die, you are sick and exhausted, your eyes droop as they yearn for rest. You pinch yourself, stick your head out the window, turn the air conditioning on, the heat on, slap your face, drink red bull, eat sunflower seeds, drink more coffee, but to no avail. You feel you can't go on. It has been dark forever. 5:45 a slight glow on the horizon, maybe an upcoming city. 6 am the glow is bright red, out of the east. It's over you've made it, you are still driving but now your eyes aren't tired, the kids are waking up, you start to see palm trees, your hands are still on the wheel but the scenery has changed. Where there is light there is hope. It's dawn.

naked bike riding...

Common sense is funny. Right about the time you think you have it all figured it in the realm of common sense, you realize what is "common" and what makes "sense" maybe isn't what God wants. You see most of my life so far has been scripted in many ways for me. My decisions are reactions to things that have already been predetermined. The life I was born into, "the early years of Jim", were largely set, sure I had decisions to make, and some seemed large at the time, but it all seems like prep work for where I stand to day. I went to highschool, then went to college, then started my "career", then started my family, because that is what I am "supposed" to do. Maybe I don't want to do what I am "supposed" to do anymore. Do you ever wonder if the american dream is the same as God's dream? Do you ever wonder when you take your last breath on this earth and the previous x number of years flashes through your eyes are you going to be satisfied with what you were "supposed" to do. What we are "supposed" to do for the most past involves safety and self-fullfillment. What God wants us to do involves faith and God-fullfillment. The irony of it all is that when we don't put our desires before God's, true contentment, purpose and impact are finally realized.


You see the pictures of that kid in red hair, yeah the naked one riding a barbie bike. He looks kind of silly, foolish, to us. The thing is he doesn't care, you might be distracted by his wardrobe malfunction and the color of the bike but Elijah is having the time of his life. A few months after he turned 3 the training wheels came off and he is doing something that most kids don't do until they are at least 5. He is riding with no training wheels, trying to "pop a wheelie", as he says. My hope is that what I do with the rest of my life, no matter how strange or contra-common sense it appears to the rest of the world will be amazing to God. That I will be able to laugh and enjoy the great things that God is doing with my family no matter how funny it looks to everyone else.

1 Corinthians 1:18-25 (New Living Translation)
The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. As the Scriptures say,
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.

But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.

Anyone want to go bike riding?

eight dollar hot dog

so what do you do with that..

Change

I once spoke on the topic of change and called the talk "The Law of the Diaper", I even used my children as visual aids, changing a diaper while I spoke. There is something about change that is refreshing to me, even exciting. I am on the threshold of change right now, I am looking forward to it, anticipating it, wondering what it is going to look like. I am fearful at the same time, questioning if it is all going to work out. (Jeremiah 29:11 at least lets me sleep at night.) The fall is about change, daylight changes, temperature changes, leaves changing,.. I love the fall. A crisp fall day makes me feel alive, I guess that is why I like change it shows movement. The dog days of summer in the middle of august with high humidity and sweltering nights can sometimes get old, as we wonder if it has always been this hot and is it alwasy going to stay this hot. The middle of february with it's cold dark days has us believing that we always have to scrape windshileds and wear winter boots. But change does come and when it does it is like an infusion of life and hope and a future. With that rambling over I want to invite anyone that wants to join my family at Letchworth park this Sunday, the 23rd of Sept. Weather is going to beautiful, sunny with a high of 70 degrees. We will be going down late in the morning and spending the afternoon there, we can grill out so bring your favorite meat and a dish to pass. We can plan on eating around like 2 pm. Bring your hiking shoes, a football, a frisbee and your camera.

Check out the following site for a map of the park, I was thinking we can meet near the middle falls in one of the picnic areas. Let me know if you are thinking of coming so I can keep an eye out. http://www.geocities.com/scanman94/letchworth/Letchworth.gif ( make sure you click on the corner of the map to expand it).

Jobs!

I have had a variety of different employment opportunities over the past 15 years or so. I am currently looking for my next "big" move in terms of a career. All of this thinking about jobs has caused me to reflect on my past. The good the bad and the ugly of jobs. These things called jobs are a necessary evil. They provide income that allows my family and I to eat and have a house, car etc. and it seems everyone has an opinion on what would be "best" for me. So here it is, an introspective look into the employment history of yours truly.

Late highschool years - Dishwasher and busboy at "The Little Whitehouse"
The Good - First paycheck, got my love for washing dishes, picked on the left overs from the banquets.
The Bad - Restaurant business usually nights and weekends, pay not that great
The Ugly - Psychotic dishwasher coworkers fresh out of mental institution

College years - Security Guard for RJD security company aka. rent a cop.
The Good - Felt kind of good to have a uniform with a badge. Enjoyed the authority.
The Bad - Worked late and long hours, usually by myself, pretty boring, pay not so great.
The Ugly - Only had a mag lite flashlight as a weapon and the bad guys knew it.

College years - Summer camp counselor - Christian camp
The Good- Heightened sense of God in my life, use of gifts, really fun atmosphere, great people to work with.
The Bad - Worked all day and night almost all summer long (for 2 summers), very tiring, had to deal with homesick kids and bedwetting.
The Ugly - Pay really not so great, (first taste of ministry!)

College years - Delta Sonic - guy that drys your car off at the end of the wash.
The Good - Enjoyed the physical labor, picked up my present day satisfaction in a well cleaned car, surprisingly good pay (remember next time to tip your drier boy!)
The Bad - Weather dependent, no one gets their car washed when it is raining.
The Ugly - Middle of winter, artic conditions all of Buffalo getting a super kiss to get rid of the salt.

Post college years - C.C.A, Lew-port high, clarence high - teaching regents physics and earth science.
The Good - Finally some decent money - good hours and vacation, enjoyed finally being a "professional", actually using college education, snow days
The Bad - Pretty routine, dealing with kids that didn't want to learn and parents that thought that was my fault.
The Ugly - Starting losing passion, not excited about doing it for the rest of my life.

Post teaching years - pastor - ehwc
The Good - Freedom to use creativity and leadership skills, traveling, working with people to see how God could use them, impacting people spiritually, made lots of cool friends.
The Bad - Not the greatest financial move, realization that church is many times a business
The Ugly - The new building ate my job

Post ministry years (paid) - carpenter/construction - j and r specialties/Buffalo Custom closets
The Good - No 'real' stress, physical work, accomplishing tangible things everyday, I don't work sundays, I get to wear jeans to work (and a tool belt), awesome group of guys to work for and with
The Bad - We are hitting the slow season, work will be inconsitent, no health insurance, feel like I should be using my brain as well as my hands for work.
The Ugly - Not a career move, need to figure it out ASAP

So there it is, my job history, (along with some random stuff strewn throughout), every job has its benefits and the stuff we don't like. Should a job be a way of life? A passion? The highest paying we can find? Where we find our purpose and meaning or is a job just that, a job.

M.I.A

Yeah, I know I have been a slacker the last few weeks. But i have been very busy, I helped Jake a few days with summer survivor, running the boat on lake ontario and pulling jr. high kids around. This last week I have spent almost every waking moment over at our rental property getting it ready for Alicia to move in the next week or so. I gutted the bathroom out and laid new tile, put a new toilet in, new vanity and countertop etc. so I have been pretty brain dead by the time I pull myself in front of the computer to check email. But I would like to think I am back, I am going to discipline myself to diligent in updating this thing every couple of days, I even decided to try a new look, what do you think?

Church at my house this sunday, stars, meteor showers, and the human sprinkler.

A few nights ago we were out at my parents cottage on lake ontario and after a beautiful sunset we all layed out on the grass and watched the stars come out. It was one of those super clear nights when the sky just lights up with stars. It is at these times when I feel so small, yet so loved by God. Then Elijah took a leak on the grass right next to me, "cuz i had to go Dad!", was his 3 year old answer to why he felt the need to do the human sprinkler. Then I forgot about the stars and instead was trying to figure out if the wet grass was from dew or boy pee. I guess that is the line we straddle, one foot in worship of God and His majesty and the other dealing with the reality of this life. Stars and boy pee, both at the same time and both real. Jesus had this great ability to be in step with His father, and be able to deal with the humaness all around Him, all at the same time. I guess our hope is that the two become one, that God's majesty is seen in the everday and the seemingly ordinary. That His face and attributes are seen on the faces around us. That the two don't become separated but fused together, that we live and breathe God. That we don't have to be in a church to experience worship, or under the stars to see His majesty, but we see and hear God everywhere in everything. Moses asked God once what His name was, what he should call Him, God answered "I am".


******
CHURCH AT MY HOUSE (37 SCHLEMMER RD. 14086). EVERYONES INVITED SO BRING A FRIEND

SUNDAY AUGUST 12 @ 6 PM - IF IT IS HOT BRING YOUR SUITS IF YOU WANT TO JUMP IN THE POOL AFTER!!

IT IS ALSO THE PERSEID METEOR SHOWER THAT NIGHT, SO MAYBE YOU CAN CATCH A GLIMPSE OF SOME SHOOTING STARS!

MARC SIBILIA IS HELPING TO LEAD WORSHIP, HE IS VERY COOL AND VERY TALENTED.

playing with God

Early this week Kelly and I had one of those days, one of those days when the reality and stress of it all seemed like too much. I had a job interview that went all day and felt pretty fried after, Kelly had potentially a new job that she lost out on due to a miscommunication, the kids had been sick specifically Morgan but we were holding out taking her to the doctor because of lack of health insurance, and the financial strain seemed at its breaking point. So to say the least there was a lot of tears shed that night wondering what the answers were going to be. Kelly even cried out at one point "Tell God I don't want to play anymore!"
The next evening as I got the mail I noticed a letter addressed to me and Kelly and I without a return address. Intrigued I opened it and saw a note that said "Hope this helps" signed " a family from eastern hills" and inside was a bank check larger than any pay check i have ever received. God is so good and I thank Him so much for taking care of my family and for whoever felt moved to help us out as well. I guess they call this living by faith, it is hard and it hurts at times, but at no other time is God so real. So thank you God for playing even if at times we feel like giving up and throwing in the towel.

What if...?

So last night turned out pretty sweet. Wasn't sure if anyone was going to show up but in true epic fashion within a couple min of 8 it looked like we had 30 some people. I will let you know the next time and place. But on to today's thought..

What if we built a church backwards? What if we built it inside out?
You see Jesus talks alot about how to act as a follower of Him. What our lifestyle should embody, things like serving others, compassion for those in need, the ability to reach those that the religious have marginalized. He said the 2 most important commands involve loving God and your neighbor. Then He tells a story to the church leaders that your neighbor isn't someone that looks, dresses, or acts like you. Your neighbor is the person that makes you uncomfortable, that you lock your door when they walk by your car.
I guess the question posed is this, To live this life that Jesus called us to live and impact the world the way Jesus did, is the most effective mode to build a big building on a suburban street corner? Does this effectively get at this serving and compassion for the world, that Jesus calls our number one priority? I don't think so, I think we need to "build" a church around compassion and service, to the community and the world. We then create ways to disciple and teach those that are being transformed as they come along side and continue to help serve. And last but not least we get together from time to time to gather and worship together in celebration. I know I know I know what your thinking, but Jim that isn't how a church starts, you have to have this worship service that everyone shows up at on a convenient suburban corner, then once "everyone" starts coming to that you institute this program called small groups, (make sure every leader is a member of the church), and last but not least you do these things called outreach projects and missions trips. Yeah I know I guess you're right thats the way your "supposed" to do it, not all backwards and inside out...
but..
What if...

The Details...

O.K so this is the deal. We are having a little get together at my house. It is open to anyone from anywhere, so you and all your friends are invited. Just some worship and word, and time to hangout see old friends and maybe make new ones. I really have no idea how many or who is going to show up. I am not advertising or doing some comprehensive marketing campaign. This is just a little grass roots movement of people who love God and other people. It is going to be spread through word of mouth and this blog. So this is where you come in, the casual reader of this blog. If you are planning on coming sunday, if you could post under the comment section letting me know that would be great. You may have to create a username for this blog site if you already haven't (it takes like a min). Also if you are inviting anyone or know of someone else coming that might not frequent this blog let me know that as well. I am just trying to get a rough idea of how many might be showing up. Alright back to the details.

Time - Worship starting around 8 pm (you can come whenever you want and leave whenever you want)

Date- Sunday July 23

Place = My crib, 37 Schlemmer Rd. Lancaster, 14086 (use mapquest if you don't know where i live)

Bring - Lawn chair or blankets (it is supposed to be nice sunday) smore stuff for the bonfire following.

see ya sunday.
jim

Triathlons- Doing what God calls you to do.

Last year I got a dumb idea. I have lots of these. The difference between me and most people is that I somehow get around to doing these ideas. Well in my quest to get into shape I decided to train and compete in a triathlon, I did 2 of these last summer. It was so uncomfortable and grueling that I thought I would try to convert some others into doing some this summer, in steps Terry and Erik. Well the first triathlon of the year was July 1st, "A Tri in the Buff" down in Evangola state park. Erik and Terry had been training and I had been thinking about training, well 1 week before the race I pulled my groin playing basketball. It wasn't like I just stretched it a little, but I pulled it to the point that I couldn't jog one step and it turned black and blue. I was hoping this would be a good excuse for me to pull out. But the reality is that I couldn't, I had asked others to join me in this endeavor. I had talked it up, talked about how great and fun it was, how it would get you into shape.
For the last couple of years I have talked about what a church for the future could look like, how we could impact wny and the world for Christ. I have had lots of conversations with many many people about this. I have vision casted, and rallied and talked up what this kind of ministry could look like. Well I guess the reality is that it's time we race. I don't know if I have trained as much as I should or that I know what it's going to look like. What I do know is that you get no where by standing still, I want to move forward.
Well I did the triathlon, I limped through it. It wasn't pretty but I crossed the finish line. I am ready for anyone that has a similar vision of the future of the church to start running this race, not sure where it's going... but hopefully that will become clearer.


ps- Starting line is Sunday july 22 at my house in the evening, outside, I will post more official details in the next few days.
pps- sean's leading worship

My 2 cents about Christianity and Night Photography

I just read Sean Read's latest post (see side bar, Dangerous Wonder) and started to post my comment, all of a sudden my comment started getting longer and longer. I guess that's what happens when you haven't blogged in a while. So I picked up my comment and decided to post it on my page for all to see, and to keep from posting a way to long comment on Sean's blog. So I would encourage you to read Sean's post before reading mine, it might make more sense.

Sean,

Good topic, I am have been doing the same investigation recently. I have been rereading Acts this past week with a critical eye to the look and attributes of the early church. I am coming to the conclusion that I have been asking slightly the wrong question about church and christianity. I have changed my focus from asking "What is the Church and Christianity?" to "What does the church do?" Christianity and the church is a movement, it's fluid, it's evolving, it's organic, and it is not built within the constraints of our limited human knowledge and wisdom. It was created by the author of all who calls Himself "I am". It is beautifully simple and elegantly complex, all in the same breath. Little kids can understand it completely in a moment, while the most intelligent can be baffled for a lifetime. I feel sometimes we spend to much time trying to define this thing called Christianity and the Church. It reminds me of the time I wanted to take a picture of the night sky, the stars were perfect that night, sky was clear, the moon just a sliver, and a constant array of shooting stars created a mind blowing tapestry. I spent so much time trying to get the aperture and shutter speed just right, hoping to capture the majestic essence of what I was seeing. The problem was, when I got the pictures developed they looked nothing like that amazing sky, didn't even come close to doing it any kind of justice. If I would have showed anyone the picture they would have had very little idea of what I was trying to portray. You see that sky was dynamic, it had movement and depth that couldn't be contained (at least by my camera). The best thing would have been to not waste my time with my stupid little camera but to grab a blanket and lay out under that night sky and just bask in its mystery, in all its entirety. Instead of trying to show a picture to someone and describe what I saw, I need to bring that person out the very next night, and have them lay next to me, staring at the reality of that same night sky. I feel in the past I have put too much undo pressure on my self when it comes to trying to figure out God, Christianity and how to have non-believers understand it all. I think I often doubt God, and his power, and His glory, all that truly makes the blind see. You see all I am called to do is lay the blanket out, and ask a friend to lay beside me and look at that indescribable night sky. I think that's the definition of revival.

I think I heard God laughing at me...

I just walked outside under the stars to take the garbage out and I am pretty sure I heard God laughing at me. I am conflicted right now. You see it appears that God is starting to raise his voice in my life, giving me more and more direction, the problem is I am not sure that what I am hearing is what I wanted to hear. After leaving eastern hills a couple of months ago I told myself, "Jim, here is your chance for independence, get a real job, take care of your family,and unplug from church". I guess it sounded good in theory, it felt safe, fairly easy, and pretty ordered. The issue is that the jobs that I have sought out for whatever reason haven't panned out to this point, and that voice, the one that gives me anxiety is getting louder and louder. I believe God is telling me to start a church, no big deal, I have hinted at doing this in the future anyways. The problem lies in the fact that I think the future is now. God is moving me to action now. When God's voice started saying this I was like awwwww crappp! Not again. It seems the things I have said I would never do or be I end up doing and being. I have a hundred reasons why starting a church right now won't work. Why financially it's not a smart move, why the timing isn't right, and why it will be ineffective. I think it was at this point when God started laughing at me. In some sort of sadistic way I think He is enjoying the wrestling I am doing with myself and Him. I am a mess right now, a combo of Jonah, Moses, Peter and Gideon (all before the cool stuff happened to them). I trust but I don't, I think I have faith but I'm scared, I am excited but I am sick to my stomach, all at the same time, and God just sits back and laughs. He laughs because He controls it all, and I blog because I control none of it.

overtired

Im very tired right now, eyes are burning, but must blog. I went to a church service that I actually enjoyed this past weekend, it was a church out in Akron of all places. Not super young and hip but nice and authentic. I am planning on going again this next weekend, just wanted to see if anyone wanted to join us, maybe we could do lunch at my house following the 9 am service. Let me know if your in, you can just respond via blog if you want.

Ecclesiophobia

I currently have this fear of churches. I am really trying to shake it, to get over it, to be a big boy about it all. It is hard though, the further I dig into scripture and look at the life Jesus lived and asks us to live, the worse my phobia gets. It's not that the "church" (meaning institutional structures and organizations of the modern era commonly found in many towns and cities throughout North America) is bad or all that wrong, I guess it is more a question of effectiveness. This begs the question, how do we measure effectiveness? Amount of cash in the plate? Number of butts in the pews? Biggest youth group? Largest Christmas musical? Biggest steeple? Most radio shows? I think the way effectiveness needs to be measured is by lives and then communities that start looking like Christ. This means compassion, serving, self-sacrifice, peace, love and relevance. The church needs to find its way back into culture, amongst the people that need it most.

May 31st

May 31st was the day when my last paycheck from the church came in the mail and still no real job on the horizon. May 31st was my birthday. May 31st the last day my family has health insurance. May 31st the softball team that I play for won its first game in 2 years and after the game I had a chocolate milkshake. Who says that God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Gideon and the timemachine..

So yesterday was one of those days. Where the reality of life seemed to be staring me in the face and whispering in my ears. I didn't feel good in any direction; physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, it all seemed numb. I woke up fine but for some reason I started looking at my timeline in terms of finding a job. It is just about half way through May, that means that I have gone all of April and 2 weeks into May and haven't lined anything up. My paychecks and health insurance run out at the end of May from the church that means I now have like 2 weeks to find a job. But did I expect this to be easy, did I think that God was just going to drop something into my lap or did I expect my God to take this opportunity to stretch and strengthen me. I am reminded of the Old Testament story about a guy named Gideon. God called him to lead an army into battle against a much stronger opponent. Gideon isn't feeling very confident about any of this. The interesting thing is that God then through a series of circumstances cuts the army down repeatedly until there is virtually nothing left to go to battle with. Everyday that I put my head down on my pillow to fall asleep I feel a little like Gideon, my army is my time, it continues to slip away with nothing to show for it. I am sick of the "big question" that gets asked me as a precursor to any and every conversation, "So Jim anything yet, any new job possibilities?" Just a little reminder that I don't have anything lined up and time is running out. Well today is the proverbial "new day", I am praying my outlook and attitude are better today, that I think about Gideon and how he must have felt going into battle, inadequate, frustrated, and seemingly defeated. The beauty of it all is I know how it ends, God wins, and Gideon gets to be a part of it. God always wins, I am praying I get to be a part of it as well.

ps- I sold my beloved motorcycle acouple of days ago, ouch!!

Church Shopping wk #1

I know, I know. i have slacked the last week or so in the blogging world but here I am. So last sunday was my first attempt at church shopping. I have attended the same church for the past 7 years not missing a sunday unless I was on vacation so I now find myself in a unique position with the abilitiy to see some other churches. This past week my family and I attended Next Level Church (www.nextlevelchurch.cc), it meets in the Flix theatres in Lancaster. I had received a mailer about a month ago about this church and it definately piqued my interest. It had a look and "feel" that seemed like something I might really enjoy. Well the service was pretty good, worship was decent and pretty up to date, speaker seemed pretty relevant, congregation was smaller and older than what I expected though. Seemed like an authentic pastor and congregation but not something I would probably make my home church. I am going to visit some other churches for the fun of it over the next couple of months and then try to reflect via the blog on my experiences. Really making me realize how special what we had going on at epic was. Praying about how that community and church can go on. We'll see, stay tuned.

end of the road...

So this coming sunday at 7 pm will be my final worship service leading the epic ministry (invite your friends!). It is a weird mishmash of emotions. As with most of these services the overwhelming feeling is one of excitement. I am excited to be a part of a worship experience in which I connect with God and others in such a unique and authentic way. But as they say all good things must come to an end (or do they?) I must admit the last month has been hard still working at the church and doing my job in the midst of alot of junk. It's not just my junk but it is everyone's junk and everyone is dealing. But to tell you the truth I am glad at this point to be done, I must move forward and look forward. Hashing and rehashing the past doesn't really help I am finding, if anything sometimes it is just a picking away at a scab, no more picking for me. I need to heal, maybe a scar will be left, who knows, only way to know for sure is to let the thing heal. I am surrounded by many passionate people, people excited about God. I eventually would like to see what would happen if we harnessed all of that energy in one vision and direction to change WNY. Who know's the potential or possibility? But for now we have sunday, one last hurrah as a group, the end of the road if you will. See ya in 3 days!! (ps. read amos for a little precursor).

cliches, pressure and the help wanted ads.

This is a weird sort of pressure this not having a job thing. This working but not really working (like what I am doing right now) thing. I have to admit it is a feeling that I haven't really experiened in this capacity, I am trying to keep my emotions and feelings in check but I have to admit it isn't always easy. This past week I blogged, posted it for like 5 min. then went back and deleted the whole thing. After re-reading my entry I realized it wasn't pretty, it was true and it was real, but it wasn't pretty. Too much honesty and openess sometimes isn't the best bet and in this case the blog had been a portal into my heart and mind and the realness that came with that. It is not that I have to be someone that I am not it's just that from moment to moment I find myself being a different person. I am finding that is what this pressure thing is doing to me. I am high then I am low and like a rollercoaster it get's tiring. It is weird in my capacity in ministry I feel like at times I have the God cliche cards in my pocket ready to hand out at a moment's notice. Short words and sayings that supposedly ease peoples minds and hearts. Maybe I am jaded, maybe I'm cyncial, or maybe right now I'm just a little tired but I am not up to cliche's today. I don't want to hear about how something is going to "fall into my lap" and how God has the "perfect thing" for me, I don't want to hear about the "excitement" others feel about my future. Maybe I feel this way because I have handed these cards out too many times myself. I am not sure. This I do know, I have 5 weeks to find a job, and monster.com, and careerbuilder.com just get me mad now, in the beginning it was exciting looking for a job now it is exhausting. T minus 5 more weeks...

Tapered Jeans and old Playdoh

So tomorrow will be exactly 2 weeks since I got the news of my position elimination. It has been an interesting rollercoster of emotion. Wondering what the future is going to hold for me, for my family, career, ministry etc. The thing about stability is that it is... stable, you know what to expect tomorrow and the day after. It is comfortable, like a worn in pair of jeans, that baseball hat that now fits perfectly to your head, the pair of shoes that you no longer tie or untie but slip on and off without bending over. I think there is a fine line between being comfortable and being lazy, because change is unpredicatble and uncomfortable we tend to scurry away from it, digging in our heels at the thought of not knowing what tomorrow or the day after might bring, fearing failure. Do you know anyone that got caught in a period of time and stopped changing? They got comfortable with their jeans so they didn't buy any new ones but wear the same highwaisted tapered jeans that were in style in the 80's, wearing the same hair style, slipping on the same ugly and worn shoes, just because they can. They get set in their ways, in their jobs, in their perspectives on life and God, even their clothes... The scary thing is that no one really wants to be like this, everyone wants to be moldable, pliable, open minded, current. But over time something happens, we find something that fits pretty good, it could be a job, a pair of jeans, or even a way of doing... church... and the thing we never wanted to become we now are. I love playing with play-doh because you can do anything with it, roll it, twist it, flatten it, the possibilities are endless. Playdoh is truly only its self though when it is being molded constantly. If left alone for a period of time it takes on properties and characteristcs contrary to its very nature, it now has one shape, stuck with that shape with amazing rigidity. Have you ever played with playdoh that has been left alone for a while, out of its container, it gets hard and crusty and tends to crumble and break when you try to manipulate it. As time stretches on and I am able to get a perspective on what has happened to me and my job and I find myself thanking God for buying me a new can of playdoh and throwing out my old jeans..

Winds of Change

Artist: Kutless

Album: Hearts Of The Innocent

Title: Winds Of Change

Can you feel the pains in life?

Wrapped around you like they're chains

Restricting all your dreams

Do you wonder if there is a way?

A way to set you free

Set you free

So tell me all your dreams

Tell me all your fears and what you're longing for the most

It's not another way that'll end up the same for it's under my control

Do you feel the winds of change

Soon this weight will fall away

And take you to a place

Only found through these winds of change

A breeze that's new and free

New and free

I'll be the one who you can cry to

The one who will give you wings

I will give wings

Someday we'll sail away

Mounted up on wings like eagles

We will run and will not fade away

Unemployed!!

So, monday night I finished my 48 hr prayer and fast. One of my pleas with God was for direction, for this is what He did in 2 Chron. with King Jehoshaphat. The whole nation fasted and prayed for direction. They came out of the fast worshipping God in song knowing that He would deliver them from the foreign armies. So tuesday afternoon I was shocked to learn that due to financial strain on the church, there was work force reduction happening and my position along with acouple of others were going to be eliminated. I guess that is it what I call direction from God! I am not mad or upset or worried. I am more excited and relieved knowing that right now I am right were God wants me to be. For those of you worried about epic at the church I am sure that the ministry in whatever form it takes will be fine. I continue to feel called to the non-Christian and to those that are unfortunate in a variety of situations. I will do what I need to take make a difference for these people, I also feel called to the postmodern culture, and a world that looks at the current institutional church with a sense of disconnect. I have some ideas and thoughts for the Missio Dei. So stay tuned in the next little bit and buckle your seat belts because things are going to get interesting. I feel like a bird that has been in a cage the past 6 yrs, singing his heart out, but the only ones that could hear me singing were those that frequented the zoo. Well the bird has flown the coop!! May the rest of the world open their ears, because this bird has a song to sing...

The Fast and Furious!

So tonight we started our 24 hr fast @ epic. I am pretty excited to see how God is going to move within our little community of fasters. As we talked about tonight at the Gathering this is about making God a priority, when God is a priority his voice is a little louder and clearer. Let me know about your fast experience. Peace, Jim

Fat Camp Anyone?

So a couple of weeks ago in the news there was a story of a mother that was at risk of losing custody of her 8 yr old son to child protective services. The interesting thing about the "abuse" is that it was her son's obesity that was the issue. He is 8 yrs old and 218 lbs. The mother essentially allows him to eat whenever and whatever he wants. If he continues at this rate there is a long list of debilitating health issues that will ensue, with a good chance of death before the age of 30. So the mother is held liable. What if pastors, and heads of ministries and churches were looked at the same way. What if we are not challenging God's children enough to be spiritually fit, and instead are satisfied with fat and happy people? If I am throwing a big party with lots of good and pleasing food I am pretty sure everyone is going to want to come, not too many people are interested in joining a triathlon "party". The reality is that if we want our churches to be filled with people we give them what they want, we don't challenge them, and we water down what it means to follow Christ. But if we want a group of people fit enough to change the world, we need to challenge, motiviate and push. I think that if all churches and ministries thought that there was an organization that was going around checking the "health" of the people sitting in the pews and that we might lose "custody" I wonder if we would do ministry different. But as long as the "children" get to call the shots, they will eat what they want and when they want and we are left wondering about a Christian society that is ineffective for Christ.

I'm back..

So, I know I have been a slacker for the last couple of weeks in regard to this blog, but hey I was on vaca. So i'm back from sunny florida and ready to go blogging. See ya soon.

Road Trip

So we made it. Left Thursday at 4 pm and we were in Sarasota by 1:30 on fri. afternoon. I love vacations, we need at times to unplug and get away from the noise of our everyday lives and jobs. At our links group last week we talked about this concept and how the busyness and innundation of distractions (schedules, cellphones, email, internet, tv, people) actually can keep us from hearing God. Vacations are a forced time of unplugging from the daily things that so often consume us. Interestingly these things that often consume us are unimportant in the eternal scheme of things. I have been self evaluating how quickly I came unplugged from work and daily life (it took me till about the Angola exit on the 90) and then what consumes my mind in the meantime. The ability to live each day to the fullest in respect to how God might have us live is found in the scriptures. We are told to not worry about tomorrow. How can I live for God today? How can I be Jesus to someone today? Our obsession with the future is one of the things that hampers our living for "today". The problem is that our culture and society are consumed with the future. While watching my kids I realize that most of their living is in the moment, it is in the here and now. I don't think I have ever heard of a kid with an ulcer? A child like faith, hmmm....

Liquid

(Before reading this go grab a glass of water) The other day I had breakfast with Isidore and we were talking about living the life that God has called us to. While we talked of our calling as Christians I looked down at the glass of water that was in my hands. Then it hit me. The thing about reaching the world for Christ is we have to be willing to fit into the world. We have to ebb and flow where we are taken in this world, posturing ourselves to the lost is not just a good idea it is the point of it all. We are to be like that glass of water. God takes that glass of water and pours it all over this lost world, in neighborhoods, in schools, in bars, the inner city, other countries, the poor, the rich, they all get and they all deserve this water. This living water, it's us, our at least it's supposed to be us. The thing about water as a liquid is that it takes the shape of the container that holds it, it slips and sinks and flows into the cracks that it is poured into and on. The problem with us, or maybe its just me, is that maybe I'm not a liquid maybe I am block of ice. Ice is rigid, it is unmoving, it is not fluid it does not flow. The only place that ice fits is the container in which it was created. Isn't it ironic that many Christians "fit" best in the place they where created, in the pews, within the church building. God takes this ice and throws us at the world and we don't fit. We bounce off the doors of our unsaved neighbors homes, the bars, those places where the lost are, we bounce. Ice is rigid, but not water, water flows under doors into houses into bars into lives. Jesus said "I am the living water", he also said "I came for the sick and the lost" and last but not least he said "follow me". So where does this leave us?
Cheers, enjoy the water.

Rebuilding the Temple

So I saw this story on the national news the other day called 'Faith and Fat'. It was pretty much dealing with this measurable trend that a large percentage of those that call themselves Christians are overweight and in many instances obese. I know that some people think I have some OCD in regards to taking care of some of my possessions, but the way I figure it is like this, if I am spending my hard earned money on anything from a car, to a house, to clothes, to a pair of sneakers, I don't see the point in treating any of it like crap. I work too hard to abuse and not take care of the object, I want to get as much use out of it as possible, neglect is just going to lead to it's loss of functionability sooner than later. It is a question of stewardship. Sure the easier and cheaper thing to do is to not rotate your tires or change your oil, but then see how long your car will be of any use to you. So why is our body, that the creator of the universe blessed us with, any different? Why when it comes to our physical bodies do many Christians turn a blind eye, to the care and preservation of this gift? Why do we eat and drink things that we know will hurt this gift, and refuse to do the things (excercise) that will preserve and strengthen it? It is a discipline just like any of the spiritual disciplines. Is it easy? Heck no. Is it fun? Not usually. Is it worth it? For sure. We owe it to ourselves, to those that we love, and most of all to God. It is a piece of our testimony to Him. So with all this said I think tomorrow I will start my physical training again. I have been sick for the past month, and been pretty drained of energy, but you know what they say about excuses. So manana I will be back at it, getting sore, eating right, all that stuff. Getting ready to do some triathlons this summer. Hey if anyone wants to start training it would be sweet for a bunch of us to do some triathlons together. Let me know.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Hi, my name is Jim and I'm colorblind..

Yeah, that picture to the left with all the dots, to me, looks like a picture of a bunch of dots. I have been told by others that in actuality there is a number that is apparent to those that don't have my "condition". I don't see it. I will never see it. I wish I could see it, I wish none of us had any deficiencies or weaknesses. My one brother is almost blind in one eye and he had to wear those goofy looking glasses that strap around your head to protect his good eye playing sports. I know someone that has some heart condition that if she stands in one place for 11 min. she will pass out. I have a friend that has almost no sense of smell another that had a heart transplant, some are too short, some too tall, and some allergic to nuts. Reality check, no one is perfect. I hate having to depend on people, especially due to my weaknesses, I hate asking "Does this match?", but sometimes I don't, then I end up looking like a clown. No one wants to depend on others, but no one wants to look like a clown either. We all have these weaknesses, some physical, some emotional, and some spiritual. The cool thing is that we also have strengths. I can smell really good. Paul writes this letter to a church in the city of Corinth reminding them that they are "like a body". Each person unique but not independent of the others, complementary and dependent in their relationships. Like the different parts of the body, ears, nose, arms, legs, eyes, all important, all needed, all different. That's what friends are for. We need each other for life, that means bring your weaknesses but also bring your strengths. Lean on others but be ready to be leaned on. My name is Jim and I'm colorblind and I hate looking like a clown. (names have not been used to protect those with issues.)

Skiing 101

Hard to believe that it is going on the end of January and I finally feel like winter finally arrived here in Buffalo. This type of weather makes me want to go skiing. I love skiing, I think I love it because it is one of those things that you never really master, just like golf, but I have a hard time being a Christian when I golf, not only don't I ever master it but sometimes I really suck, this brings out the "bad" jim, and the harder I try the worse I get on the course, so I am going to stick to skiing right now. There are two types of techniques in skiing; one makes you go really slow and stay in control, the "snowplow", and one is very fast with almost no control, what I call the "tuck and run". The snowplow is what is used the first time skiing to allow the new skier to be in almost complete control while moving very slowly down the hill. This gets old real fast. The whole point is to make it down the hill, and as I have progressed in skiing I realize that there are such small differences in angles that either keep me either upright or wiping out. The edge of the ski is where this all takes place, this is where the right amount of pressure, turned just at the right time maximizes both speed and control. It is at this place where foot meets boot, meets metal ski, meets snow that my fate is determined. I choose not to snowplow. Snowplowing is no fun. Snowplowing is for little kids and people who are scared. I don't think snowplowing is really even skiing, the way skiing is intended to be enjoyed. There is very little risk though in this technique, not much chance of falling, and when you do it doesn't hurt, but this isn't skiing. The out of control "tuck and run" technique isn't exactly skiing either, this is an out of control racing, that more often than not ends with ski's, poles, and various articles of clothing strewn up and down the slopes. No control, no ability to make changes in direction, hoping that nothing gets in your way as you careen down the hill. Our chrisitianity is lived out in that place where our personality meets God, meets faith, meets the culture of our world. This is the place where it is fun to be a Christian, where the enjoyment of seeing God interact with us, and us with our culture occurs. Is it safe? No not really, it is actually scary at times, but it is lived out in that space where all collide, us, God and the world. There is no place I would rather be than right in the middle of that volatile formula. The reality is that is where real Christianity happens, safety feels good to us, recklessness may sometimes beckon but it is in the place where we embrace the risky call of our lives into the world that is true Christianity. Enjoy the slopes!

What's that smell?

Ever since I got back from Africa a couple of weeks ago, I have noticed a not so great stink coming from my guitar case. I have been chalking it up to some sort of mildew caused by the transport of the guitar in the rain numerous times. No it was not rain but a little friend that was causing such a stink, in the corner of my case was a dead lizard. From Zambia to Buffalo. A long journey for the little guy and obviously a little to far of a journey to make alive, unless... his brothers are somewhere in my house right now.

Please pray!

Just wanted to let anyone that might read this to be praying for a pastor friend of mine named Josh Buck, out in Michigan. This afternoon while on vacation in Mexico he had a swimming accident and broke his neck and almost drowned. He is on a ventilator and in a drug induced coma as well, they are hoping to Mercy Flight him to Miami soon if he stabilizes. Please be praying for his family and his health. He has two little kids and in the last year lost his 3rd in an accident as well. His wife has been through alot and is currently pregnant again. I will keep everyone updated. Thanks for praying... for updates check out his church website. http://www.greenhouseministries.org/

Not what it seems....

"You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong.
Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that.
A portion of courage lies in going on anyway." -Robert Jordan

The beauty of knowledge, and specifically wisdom, I believe lies in humility and honesty. Wisdom occurs when we can weigh the reality of opposing facts, view points, ideals, perceptions, and emotions independently of our prejudices. I have a hard time with people that know everything. You know the type of people that I am talking about, they tell you what to think and why. They tell you why you and everyone else is wrong but why they are right. I have a low tolerance for these types of people because of the ignorance that such behavior represents. I hope that I am always questioning, always open to new ideas and new ways of looking at old things. I think the lack of this type of thinking in the church is exactly what hamstrings her to the past. Can we be alright with the fact that we will never arrive. We will never get it all right, and as soon as we think we do we will need to reinvent. Why?, because we aren't the end, our ways of thinking aren't the final authority, we are part of a story that God is writing. The story of His church, the followers of the way, is in process. There has been evolution, revolution, and reformation. And guess what everyone? There will still be major changes, in theology, in doctrine, in ecclesiology, and missiology. Because we aren't God, we don't know everything, times will change, cultures will change, and the modes, methods and models of getting to know God on a personal level will change. So bask in uncertainty and ambiguity knowing that God will reveal how to reach His people for today, today and for those tomorrow, tomorrow.

Backpack (courtesy ems!)

Simpler is sometimes better. Many times the options we have just leads to a level of confusion. There is something comforting about having everything you need on your back. The necessities of life all an arm lengths away, the mobility to go anywhere at a moments notice. I have aspirations of traveling more like this in the future, (of course this will have to be solo) It is amazing how much stuff you need when traveling with 3 little kids, port-a-cribs, strollers, diaper bags. Someday I hope to do some traveling with the kids, backpack style. 5 people 5 backpacks, that would be cool. But till that day comes its me and my backpack. I would love to go back to Chabboboma, or costa rica, or the holy land, maybe see Egypt on the way, thinking about Thailand as well, Phil's been trying to get me to Burma, that would be sweet. Well next year is my sabbitical year, I think I have like a month to have a time a physical and spiritual refreshment. Maybe I will buy a ticket and see a bunch of these places, me and my backpack, if anyone has a backpack and wants to join me let me know. Some amigos to travel with would be fun, you only live life once right? Well anyways, happy Martin Luther King Day!

Pews....

I think it is interesting to think that most people associate church with sitting in pews. The pictures to the right were taken at a church where we held a new years day youth rally, in Choma, Zambia. The pews look different than my church but they are still the supposed "place of meeting with God". The problem is that pews are human made, and as soon as we relegate that to the hows and whys of meeting with God we have missed the whole point of Christianity. It is a relationship that happens everywhere, all the time, if we are looking for it. I think of this last trip to Africa, and I see where God met me and it wasn't always while sitting in a pew. It was in the back of a van talking about the dreams of reaching of world for Christ, it was staring at Victoria falls, it was lying on the ground in pain under the stars of Chabbaboma and feeling His hand take away that pain, it was sitting around with friends talking about life and where God has taken us and our hope for tomorrow. This is where church happened. I believe every conversation, every experience, every sight can be a glimpse into God. But are we looking? Or are we waiting to sit in the pew to see God?

SLEEP!!

Sleep is one of those things that I really don't understand. Why can't we just relax and lay down and have our bodies get refreshed? Why must we actually go unconscious? Sleep depravation is something that I have gotten pretty used to ever since I started having kids. It then becomes accentuated by my need to squeeze as much as possible out of everyday. This last trip to Africa was a feat of lack of sleep. Somehow I managed to drink a whole bottle of nyquil, (for medicinal purposes of course) with very little effect on my body during the trip, trying to force my body to sleep. It seemed like I was going on 2-3 hours of sleep per night, and feeling good all day. Well right this moment I feel I could sleep for a week. I am exhausted and am feeling a little sick. I have some funky cough deep in my chest that I am hoping isn't any form of TB. I was definitely in contact with TB patients while in the Zhimba health clinic and this deep chest cough isn't too comforting right now. I am still taking malarone so it shoudn't be malaria. Probably just a cold... but you never know. So much for any deep thoughts on life, better go grab the bottle of nyquil. Bottoms up!

What do I see?

Sometimes I wonder about the hindrances to true heart felt worship. What keeps me and others from experiencing what worship is intended to be? As I let the words of Matt Redman's song 'seeing and singing' start to sink in I realized that the lyrics to this song are the essence of where worship begins and ends. How often am I asking people to enter into a worship experience, the lighting, the music, the atmosphere all can be conjured up by man. Worship only truely occurs if a glimpse of God is had. At the moment we see God, his creation, his salvation only then can the essence of worship be captured. Because at that moment the reality of who we are worshipping jumps to the forefront, and we stand in awe as His light of glory covers us. Worship is a response to something we see. I am realizing that most of my worship and church worship in general is blind. It is words about a "God" that loves me and died for my sin and created the world. The moment the words jump into the focus of my reality does the glory of Jesus floor me, causing me to be facedown.

Seeing you - This is a time for seeing and singing

This is a time for breathing You in

And breathing out Your praise

Our hearts repsond to Your revelation

All you are showing, all we have seen

Commands a life of praise

No one can sing of things they have not seen

God, open our eyes towards a greater glimpse

The glory of You, the glory of You

God, open our eyes towards a greater glimpse

Worship starts with seeing You

Worship starts with seeing You

Our hearts respond to Your revelation

Worship starts with seeing You

Worship starts with seeing You

Our hearts respond to Your revelation

The Artist Known as God

While in Africa one of the questions I wrestled with was the that poverty and the reasoning for it. Why did I get to be born into suburban usa while another was born into the poorest of poor conditions in Chabbobboma, Zambia? This idea of God being a just God sometimes eludes me at times like this. But does justice equal equality? and in God's economy what does justice look like? I am not sure I have concrete answers to these types of questions but one thing I am sure of is that of God's love. God loves the world. He loves those in Africa as much as those in the U.S as much as those in China and around the world we go. All loved equally by the same God, the creator of it all. So as I stood and watched the sunset over the Zambezi River God showed me his love for the world in the form of a sunset, one of the most beautiful I have ever seen. He is bigger than poverty, he is bigger than politics, and bigger than materialism. He is most assuredly larger than any conceptions I can conjure up. But the author of love is the author of the sunsets.

The Dark Continent

Africa!

What an adventure. Just returned from my 2nd trip to the country of Zambia. It is amazing how God reveals himself in the midst of these trips. It makes me wonder if it is the trips or my heart that causes these revelations. I am thinking more and more that it is a heart issue. Not sure what this means but the implications are huge when I think of God's role in my life, here, in Buffalo NY.